Janemurray 9 years ago

Edited by MarkWilkin 9 years ago

Question from Beinghere: Lost my mum yesterday. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in feb. 4 weeks ago. We were all with her during her final breaths. Felt prepared but it's her final few breaths I just can't forget. I remember every detail. Her what I thought was her last then when I held her face anotger short and quick breath. I just want to know she's safe and ok. That's all. Have lots of family support from my fiancée's family. My brother too. He's dealing with all the legal stuff. My little boy seems to be ok. I feel so weak and scared how I should feel and the future. I promised my mum is never give up and I won't. I just want to know she's ok. How do I know? When will I know she is ok? Aw mum I love you so much

Hello  I can feel your pain coming through in your words at the loss of your mum yesterday. I would imagine you are still in shock from the diagnosis and the whirlwind of the following weeks.

It is natural that you are feeling so raw & vulnerable right now- you may find this feeling continues for some time to come, having better days and not so good days.

You were with her for her last moments of life, it is normal for those images to remain with you- sometimes quite vividly- for some time, it is your minds way of making sense of what happened. In time those vivid images will fade, and be replaced by images and memories of the well & happy mum.

You ask if your mum is safe & okay and of course you need to know that and feel it. What you do know is that mum is now no longer ill & suffering. She is now and always safe in your heart and your memory, you will continue to love and cherish her always.

There is no right or wrong way to feel right now- do not deny how you feel or try to hide it. It is okay to cry!

I'm please to know you have a good support network around, you might wish to consider accessing bereavement support for yourself either now or in the future, in can often be helpful to talk to some one outside of the family, to help you through the grieving process.

Condolences to you and your family

Jane Murray

Marie Curie Cancer Care

MarkWilkin 9 years ago

I'm very sorry for your loss Beinghere. Let me just back up Jane's suggestion of making sure you reach out to the bereavement support that's available by pointing you to our help pages on getting support which list a number of organisations that can help you.

Thanks

MarkWilkin 9 years ago

Edited by MarkWilkin 9 years ago

Jane's had to finish up a little early so that's all the questions that we have time for today. Thank you to Jane and everyone who asked her questions.

We'll be doing another Q&A session on "Coping with spiritual and emotional pain" here in two weeks time (on the 7-9th of April). You can follow our Facebook page or Twitter account for a reminder of when that'll be on.

If you've got any other questions please start a new topic and our community will be happy to share their experiences with you.

Thanks

Barriescroggs 9 years ago

Its been just over 3 weeks since mum passed away. We were so close, she was my best friend. I lived with her for the last 4 years. I think of her and miss her everyday. It hasn't been a good weekend. I try to keep busy but it is when i stop it hits me. Feeling si sad and low today i miss her so much. It makes it worse as i live on my own now and do not have many friends. Weekends always seem worse. Miss eating sunday dinner with mum. I cant see me getting over mum to be honest. I know they say time is a great healer and i hope it is, its just i miss her so much.

abbeycarlyrae 9 years ago

hi everyone just wanted to tell my story about me losing my grandad at the start of 2014 he was diagnosed with lung cancer I didn't know this at the time he never told me he just said that he had a bad cough and feeling bit cold etc. I went away on holiday last year June 2014 to go visit my nan in Cornwall I went for a week I was very happy at the time excited to be seeing my nan because I only get to see her once a year if that. after I come back from my hols and was so happy at the time I then not long after found out from my dad over the phone that my grandad had cancer my first reaction was your joking arnt you my dad said don't be silly he went no im not joking at all from then on my life went down after that and since then has ever since ive been to 2 or 3 counselling sessions but nothing has worked as had to wait and wait long periods of time to see someone months at a time. I suffer with mild depression and I struggle everyday to keep motivated and not get down but it is so difficult and any slight stress brings me down so low and its destroying everything in my life I want to get better and im about to have a counselling meeting this week ive waited a very long time for this and hope just hope I can and will get better because I want to I want change. I miss my grandad everyday and will always even tho its been over 5months since he passed away as he lost his battle on January the 9th 2015 I had to watch him dying in hospital which completely broke me to bits to see  I still struggle to pull myself together and I feel like im on my own with all of this my partner don't understand he knows I feel down but tells me to just get on with it which don't make me feel any better as im still grieving my grandad was like a dad to me and now hes gone I have a hole in my heart as I don't really get on with my real dad.