Mom passed was my best friend.

Middlechild 7 years ago

1 reply

People keep telling me to get on antidepressants. I believe I am going through normal grieving process yes I Cry yes I lash out but not much yes I feel lost yes I feel let down by others not supporting me but overall I get up I get dressed and I try to do something with my grandchildren or other family members. When this is not possible I clean clean clean clean I am disabled so I take it slow. I have a question? If I feel good cleaning and staying busy and I'm not always crying or moping why should I be on a pill? I don't believe I'm going to pick them up. I drove back and forth from one state to another her last 6 months she was doing well up until the last time I left 6 weeks prior to her death. I went back 4 days before she passed and spent 3 days with her she was incoherent most of the time but knew I was there and told me she loved me I am at peace with that she was a Christian I believe she's with God. Do I listen to other people? Or do I do what I feel is right? I'm confused. I think they all think I should be completely normal and they think a pill will do that. I think it will make it worse and then I have to get off of them eventually. Help not sure which way to go. I don't have a great support system but I'm a strong woman and lost my dad 35 years ago unexpectedly so I've done this before she was my best friend but I got to be with her in her final days her very last words were I love you and I have it on tape to me from her as I was leaving for the last time. A lot of guilt for leaving when I did but I have a family and my husband has a job we had to get home and hospice said she would hold on until she saw us so I got all my brothers and sisters together and we all went back there on the fourth day after we left she passed. The day we left she went completely incoherent and never spoke again I'm afraid I let her down at the very last days this is my only regret

Support 7 years ago

Hello Middlechild,

I’m sorry to hear about the death of your mum. Grief is a natural response to losing someone you care about and there really is no right or wrong way to grieve, everyone experiences grief differently and crying can be the body’s way of expressing and reducing stress.

We often hear that people try to keep their minds busy after the death of a loved one, again everyone is different but if you feel making sure you are busy and doing something is helping then that might simply be your way of coping with your loss at this moment in time.  Finding your own way of coping with your grief is what will help get you through those difficult or emotional times. You may find it useful to read some information about grieving in your own way which can be found here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/grieving-your-way

During grief it is not unusual to reflect and feel that there were things you wish you had done or said differently, it can be important at this time to be kind to yourself – you can read more about looking after yourself during bereavement on our website here:https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/looking-after-yourself

As we are not medically trained here on the support line, we would be unable to best advise you on whether or not antidepressants would be appropriate in your circumstances. We would suggest discussing this with your doctor.

If you would like to talk about things in more detail please call our Free phone Support Line on 0800 090 2309, or drop us a line via Web Chat:

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help

Best Wishes

Sam (Marie Curie Support Line)